Reflections on 2020

In my end-of-year blog post for the last two years, I wrote something along the lines of "This has been the hardest ministry year ever." 

Well, I think it's safe to say that 2020 supersedes all previous years! And I think it's also true that leadership in ministry is just hard, pandemic or no pandemic. And what a year it has been!

Instead of going into all the hard things about 2020, I thought perhaps something more encouraging might be better suited for my year-end reflections. Although there were plenty of challenging aspects of this year, I also can look back and give thanks for multiple ways God has provided and been at work in ministry life.

Staff Conference 

It feels like ages ago, but in January of 2020, our staff gathered in Orlando. I was both proud of the design work I got to contribute as well as grateful for how God met us there. One significant takeaway was the four themes we received through a time of listening prayer. The Design team got to create art to go with those themes, which in itself was a really fun and meaningful process. As I reflect on these words and themes eleven months later, I sense God was providing hope and encouragement ahead of what would be a hard year. More on the art piece I worked on personally further below!

Learning

Early in the year I began taking a couple of online courses through a Design company called IDEO. My plan had been to complete three classes which would lead to a Foundations in Creative Leadership Certificate. I only made it through two classes before making the hard decision to postpone the third,  given the strain of working from home with a toddler. However, both classes I did complete were so life-giving and formative, and I've already applied a lot of the learning in my leadership and creative work on the team. I hope to take the third class in January 2021.

Summer Interns

One issue our team faced when we started working remotely, was how to manage our summer internship program. I hired two interns this summer and ran the entire internship remotely, Carrie working from Milwaukee and Natalie in Chicago. Thankfully, working from a distance went pretty smoothly. They contributed both to our team life as well as several important projects, which was especially helpful while one of our other team members was on sabbatical. At the end of the summer, they both drove up to Madison so we could all have lunch and actually meet in person. We even got to give them a tour of the office for the first time!

A New Designer

I've already mentioned this in our last email/letter update, but another thing I'm grateful for is our new full-time designer, Alice, who I hired this fall. After almost a year of searching for a fourth team member, I'm so thrilled that God provided Alice. She is both talented and also has such a strong heart for Jesus. As I've gotten to know her better over the last couple of months, I grow to be more and more excited that she's joining our team. Please keep praying with me that her fundraising process goes well (and quickly!) so she can start working with us soon.

My Supervisor

Working remotely has significantly shrunk down the number of people I interact with regularly. As an introvert, this probably bothers me less than others. But I have still felt the loss of community and social interaction that we are all experiencing these days. Other than the team I supervise, the main person I've remained in close contact with is my supervisor Dan. We meet twice a week for 30 minutes (often more!). I have been so grateful that we have the kind of relationship where I can be open about what's been hard, share observations and sometimes grievances, and feel supported. I truly feel like I can trust him and know he has my back in all the things that have been challenging this year. 

Pat

Pat is now the only coworker I interact with in person! Fortunately, we do work in separate rooms in the house which has provided some healthy space during lockdown. Even though we work on different teams, it has been helpful to have someone else who understands the ministry world. When Pat was on sabbatical, he carried a larger load of home responsibilities, which alleviated so much of my stress during an especially intense work season. I'm grateful that we get to be partners both in life but also in ministry and work.

Ugly Babies* 

This year I piloted "Ugly Baby" projects, an innovative "think tank" of sorts, where team members can pitch new ideas and create prototypes in collaboration with others. When I set out to start this, I planned for it to grow our cross-team working relationships and also generate new ideas that would propel ministry and creative thinking. I had no idea it would also be one of the only channels many of us would have to even interact and work together this year. Given the limitations of working remotely, I've been so impressed with the level of innovation we've achieved. Although it's been hard to make these projects a priority, they have been a source of joy and satisfaction in the midst of other stressful work. A few ideas are also in the works of being further developed!

*a term for new, unformed ideas that need nurturing, taken from the book, Creativity Inc.

A Real Baby!

This is perhaps somewhat unrelated to ministry, but feels significant to mention. At the end of 2019, Pat and I felt it was time to try growing our family. Despite the uncertainties that came as COVID hit, we continued trying while the world around us felt unstable. It was an especially lonely time as month after month we were unsuccessful, bearing this weight without community and contact with others. 

In June I made an appointment with my midwife, hoping for some answers. I also decided to tell a few trusted friends about our struggle. Both of these steps brought peace and comfort even though we still weren't sure what would happen.

Then one morning in August, I saw the two lines on my pregnancy test that we had been waiting for! We were overjoyed. In a year where waiting has felt so challenging, I'm thankful to have something happy and exciting to anticipate. In some ways, this period of carrying a child has reflected the journey of this past year - one filled with both fear and hope. Waiting for something still unseen and unknown. 

In January I created this art piece in response to the theme of "transition" and "birthing something new" from Staff Conference. During our prayer time, many staff saw images of birth or pregnancy as a symbol of transition in our movement. Indeed, this year has been one of adaptation, change, and transition for all of us. It surely seems like God is making something new through us and in us. And in my own life that has been true as well, both in this pregnancy and in my ministry life. I can see that God is clearly getting me ready for transition in multiple ways. And this image I drew will always serve as a reminder of that. 

Thank You

It still remains to be seen how this year will shape our world and our lives for years to come. I'm sure I could write a list ten times as long if I thought about it more (and if you had the patience to read it!). I want to thank all of you who have come alongside my family and me through your prayers, financial support, and love. During a season where we're longing for connection and hope, I'm so grateful for our community of ministry partners.

Failing Rather Than Flourishing

It's hard to sum up your ministry and life in one page or one email every few months. So I wanted to use this space on my blog to share a little bit about what God is doing these days in regards to some hard stuff in ministry

This year I’ve been dealing with a sensitive issue that was draining both in time and energy. Additionally, it's been emotionally costly. I’ve felt guilt, like somehow I failed to be the right kind of leader. I have felt frustration, that it has taken time away from advancing the mission. I’ve felt loneliness. Because it's been highly confidential, it's like I've been carrying around this secret weight that I couldn't talk about with anyone. The situation has impacted many relationships and many projects we've been working on. I come home many days feeling this sense of worry that never goes away. I often find myself doubting my decisions and wondering if I deserve to lead.

Additionally, the major project I’ve been pouring into this year has been fraught with roadblocks. Organizational change has been painful and slow, and has affected people's trust of each other. Many  are frustrated, confused, and even angry. I’ve been deeply discouraged. My team and I have put countless hours into this project and it feels like we've gotten nowhere. To be honest, some days I have no motivation to keep going and I sense myself becoming bitter.

These two situations have left me drained empty this year. It feels like ministry has been failing more than flourishing.

Recently, as I was sharing about some of this with a colleague, she pointed me to 1 Peter. I felt encouraged to read through it as I was preparing for our end-of-year communication. A few verses stood out:

Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner. … So if you find life difficult because you’re doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he’s doing, and he’ll keep on doing it. (1 Peter 4: 12-13, 19, MSG)

These verses remind me that the emptiness I'm experiencing is a way that I can connect with Jesus and his suffering. I’m reminded that I can keep going, not because the situations have resolved or gotten any easier, but simply because God is still God. In a recent chapel at the office, we were similarly reminded that what sets Christianity apart from other belief systems is that we are called to embrace suffering rather than try to escape or transcend it. Suffering is what reminds us of our need for Jesus, and our unity with him as well. This truth is challenging to accept, but it is the reality that I'm wrestling with in this current season of ministry.

I’m also reminded that I'm not alone in my difficult experiences. Pat and I have loved reconnecting with many of our ministry partners over video chat or phone calls this past year. In doing so, we’ve learned about so many challenging things they're facing -- loss, grief, family health issues, job stress, and more. As I am praying for God to show up in my own hardships, I'm reminded to be in prayer for all of our ministry partners as well.

It's tempting to only focus on the ways ministry is going well to try to impress our ministry partners, to assure them that their investment is worthwhile. But as I discerned what to share at the end of this particular year, I felt like it would be inauthentic not to be a little more open about the hard things I've been going through. I hope these honest thoughts would bring us all to deeper prayer and to press in towards Jesus even more when we face tough things. 

Thanks to all who have listened and prayed in the midst of these difficult situations. It's been hard to pray and I'm thankful that there are people praying on my behalf.

What I learned NOT going to Urbana 18

On January 2, 2018, I returned to work just twelve weeks after giving birth to Lexi, and it's been one of the toughest, fullest years of ministry ever.

Our team took on the bulk of an entire organizational rebrand, completing it in half the time that most organizations attempt to do it, followed by another intense season of preparing for Urbana 18, our triennial student missions conference. I have told many that it's felt like running two back-to-back marathons.

Meanwhile, I was figuring out how to be a mom, and a working mom at that. I'm proud of the new rhythms and for each milestone we achieved as Lexi has transitioned from tiny newborn to an active toddler. But it's been lonely, exhausting, and emotional. I'm still processing the ways 2018 has redefined so much of my life.

So, when it became clear that I would not be able to go to Urbana, I had a mix of emotions. For many InterVarsity staff who are parents, getting to stay behind is often a gift. But for me, since it is one of the pinnacles of our team's work every three years, it felt greatly disappointing. I was sad, hurt, and frustrated. I felt like I was being punished for having a baby. It felt like I had to do all the work to train for that marathon, but I would not be allowed to cross the finish line or even be present when the rest of my team did.

In the time I've had to reflect, however, I believe that the Lord had a lot in store for me during these months of wrestling with this situation, as well as during the week of Urbana itself. As I continue to process, I wanted to share a few ways that God met me during the week that I was not at Urbana.

Rest
As I mentioned, this has been a tough year. By not going to Urbana, I was actually able to end the year quietly. Instead of being around 10,000 people for 6 days, I spent most of my time with just one little person. It was still tiring, hard work, but I felt like it was a much-needed rest from ministry work, rest that I didn't know I needed until late in the year.

 

Prayers Answered
I am so grateful for the many people who were not only praying for Urbana but for Lexi and me during that week. As each day passed, I tangibly saw how God answered prayers. Lexi napped almost two hours every day and slept past 7am each morning, something she has not done since then. I knew that God was answering prayers and making that week go almost as smoothly as it could have gone. I was concerned about how lonely it would be, but God provided a few different opportunities to meet with the friends who were still in town, which was not only a good way to get out of the house/pass the time, but also a needed social connection for me while Pat was gone.

Introvert Time
I did not realize this until the week of Urbana, but the time I had alone during those days was probably the most I've had since my sabbatical two years ago. Since becoming a mother, alone time has been especially rare and precious. But since Lexi took such good naps and went to bed smoothly, I had several hours a day to myself, and I loved it. I spent that time reading, journaling, working on a creative project I had been putting off, and just being quiet. I spent one night streaming one of the Urbana sessions, but I did it while taking a bubble bath (followed by folding laundry of course). During the weekend, when my team was all still working at Urbana, I had a normal weekend. I brought Lexi to my parents' house while I went to get a pedicure and did a little shopping. Out of all the things I received during the week, this introvert time was probably the most special to me. God knew how much I needed that time, and he graciously gave me more than I was expecting.

Special time with my daughter
Being a full-time working mom, I realized I haven't been able to spend as much time with Lexi as I'd like during these formative months and years. Because my work schedule was lighter while everyone was at Urbana, I had a lot of time with Lexi that I normally don't have. We went to the library, to an indoor playground, and a coffee shop that had a play area for kids. It may seem like not much, but to me they were treasured moments of just getting to be with my daughter and not be multi-tasking with ministry work or housework. I'm grateful for those days we had that were just the two of us.

No Longer Abandoned
More than anything, I was approaching this whole "not going to Urbana" thing like I had been abandoned. Abandoned by InterVarsity, by my team, by my own husband, and by God. I don't think I knew this until a few days before Urbana. I was sitting in our weekly chapel at work, listening to a passage from Isaiah 43. The words that stood out to me were, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you." We were invited to ask the Lord, what do you have to say through the words that stand out to you right now? What I sensed God telling me was, "Just as I will be at Urbana with 10,000 students, I will also be with you and Lexi. I will be with you in the most intimate, loving, and precious way. I am so wonderful and so sovereign that I can be doing mighty work in students' lives and also be meeting you where you are at while you are feeling lonely. I will be with you." 

I am so grateful for those words of love and closeness from my Father that day. As I entered into the long eight days home alone with Lexi, I could hear those words over and over again, and I really did sense that God was with me. I felt an intimacy with God in a way that I don't think would have been possible at Urbana. I saw his power and might through the quiet stillness of that week. My understanding of who he is as a global God was changed as I saw him also as "the God who sees," just as Hagar did in the wilderness. A global God isn't just doing things far off in the distance, he is near, He is here.


----
A special shout out to my parents who came over a few mornings to watch Lexi while I was at the office, especially my mom who also brought lunch on those days, and for their help the day I went to get a pedicure. Also to Carolyn for bringing dinner one night, and to the other friends who I was able to meet with that week, including Mel who was my video message "pen pal". Also, thank you to the nice lady at the coffee shop who helped me clean up my tea that Lexi spilled all over the floor while I was trying to put on her coat. And for the teammates who texted and emailed to let me know things were going well or to show me pictures of some of our work at Urbana. All these people were God's provision and a great source of life to me and Lexi that week. 

A new look for InterVarsity!

Sorry it has been so long since I have blogged! After sabbatical, I stepped into my role as Art Director and really since then have been immersed in birthing both a child as well as InterVarsity's new logo and brand! Needless to say, it's been an incredibly full couple of years. It's never too late to pick things back up, right?

Here's a picture of the child, just because. :)

On August 20th, we officially launched our new logo and rebrand, along with InterVarsity's 2030 Calling. You can read more about our aim to see revival on campus and reach 2,500 campuses by the year 2030 here. (Maybe you can even get involved!)

As we've been preparing for this, the Design team has spent thousands of hours redesigning our logo and then creating dozens of communication pieces to support the new look. We've done research, gathered input from multiple audiences, had long discussions and countless meetings, and made iteration after iteration until we felt like we got it right.

My other baby this year - the new InterVarsity logo! (Our whole team did a lot of work and collaborated heavily to land on this design.)

I realized that since we've been deep in this stuff, the new visual language feels like a natural progression to us, but to those not on the inside of the process, you may be wondering, what does it mean? Why did we change?

So I thought I'd say a little bit more about our process and highlight a few key elements of the logo.

What wasn't working

Our old logo was created around 2001, almost 20 years ago! At the time, we needed to show that InterVarsity was a credible and theologically-stable organization. As we've grown, however, it has become less necessary, because we're already a well-known ministry. At the same time, the logo was showing its age, as it did not work well in a square format, a key need for communicating on social media, and its corporate feel made us seem distant and unrelatable. Simultaneously, our organization has grown a lot since then and our branding strategy was more of a "frankenstein" approach rather than one that showed our unity and focus. We were a mish-mash, confusing mess. All those factors led us to the decision that we needed to rebrand and address those issues, as well as help launch the 2030 Calling.

A glance at our many ministry-specific logos... confusing right?

Emphasizing what's important to us

After doing a lot of research and also some soul-searching, our team identified one really important aspect of InterVarsity's ministry that we knew we needed to communicate clearly–our love for God's Word. We're well-known for our quality training on Inductive Bible Study, and our deep commitment to living out the truth that we understand from scripture. Therefore, we've included a shape that represents the Bible in our mark, but in a more abstract, subtle way so as not to look too cliche.

Are you a sports organization?

We also wanted to make sure that our new look felt like we were a college ministry. Because our name doesn't easily translate to "campus ministry," we knew that we visually needed to say it more strongly. Our old logo/font had a sporty look, which made things even more confusing with the word "Varsity" in our name. So we chose a new font, called Gaspo Slab, a serif font that has a classic collegiate feel yet is still modern. I like to say, we're #nerdyANDhip. 

Real Hope

Lastly, the big idea we want to communicate in our logo, as it represents who we are, is "real hope". We want students, and others, to experience the real hope that is only found in Christ whenever they encounter an InterVarsity group, event, book, etc. We've communicated that using an abstract arc shape, that represents light (a common metaphor for hope in Scripture), as well as the expansion and growth of God's kingdom. 

Colors matter too

When it came to choosing a new color scheme, we wanted to move away from the dark, intense colors we had been using. Navy blue was flexible, but it often made everything feel dark and heavy. With the focus on communicating hopefulness, we chose brighter, lighter colors, that also communicate a vibrant, youthful energy. We are primarily a student ministry after all!

We've also been making use of more white space. Rather than filling every inch with text or pictures or solid color, we allow white space to create a welcoming look. Sort of like a messy, cluttered house can seem uninviting to guests, we felt that sometimes our visual look felt so full that we weren't inviting people to engage with us. So we're hoping that our informal, spacious look will help us be more approachable.

We're also introducing more gradients, which not only keeps us contemporary with current design trends, but also has a sense that the light is on the move. Our hope is not stagnant, it is growing, because God is at work!

An extra little something 

During the process of our design work, we noticed something about the new mark that felt like a special added bonus. Maybe you've noticed it - the speech bubble shape that's in the negative space in the middle of the mark? This gave us the idea to use speech bubbles throughout our designs as a way of communicating the importance of relationship and community. InterVarsity is fundamentally about people meeting God through the context of friendships, mentorships, relationships. We felt like this extra feature of the new mark was a gift from God, as it strengthened the meaning and significance of our new logo.

Three new brochures, designed to coordinate with each other, featuring speech bubble designs.

Additionally, we decided to use the Bible shape in our mark as a repeating visual element in a lot of our designs. This is another way of emphasizing our love for God's Word, and reminding others and ourselves that it's the foundation of all we do.

What it's really about

At the end of the day, what we really hope this new logo and visual look will do is unify and strengthen our impact on campus. We want InterVarsity to be recognized, appreciated, and effective as we reach more students and faculty, more campuses, and new corners of campus. We hope this new look will match the quality experiences people have on campus. It's been a long, exhausting journey, but I'm so proud of our work and so grateful that God sustained us during such an intense time. Maybe I'll share more about that in my next post!

Reflections on my Sabbatical

Sabbatical already feels like it was a million years ago (almost as long as it's been since I last blogged!). Still, I felt like I would be remiss not to pause and reflect on what God did in my life between July and October.

Honorable mentions: photography, sleeping, and packing (kinda)

By far, the greatest gift that sabbatical brought was merely having time to myself. Being in a work environment where I'm rarely alone, and still adjusting to being married (I love Pat but I'm still an introvert!), I was so grateful for the many hours during the day when I could be still, be quiet, and just be.

Four of the ten books I read during sabbatical.

Bookworm

As I was planning my sabbatical I created a much-too-long reading list of books that I've been wanting to read for a while. I ended up reading nearly 3,000 pages (10 books) in three months. I could probably say so much more about each of them but here are a few thoughts on the ones that impacted me the most:

Quiet, by Susan Cain
Having always known I was an introvert (though as a child I didn't know the term for it yet), this book was incredibly affirming. While modern American culture favors and praises the charismatic, quick-thinking extrovert, I've always wondered if that meant I was less than or not enough. Reading Quiet helped me understand that I have a lot of gifts and strengths as an introvert, and that in fact our world is a better place because of people who think deeply, prefer to listen rather than speak, and are inwardly driven.

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, by Ruth Haley Barton
Interestingly, this was the only Christian book I read during my sabbatical (other than the Bible of course). Similarly to Quiet, this book reinforced for me the value of solitude. Using the model and story of Moses, Barton describes the rhythms and practices that are essential to care for one's soul in the midst of exhausting, demanding ministry life. While reading this book, the Lord brought to mind a few personal situations that I hadn't had time to deal with emotionally or spiritually before. Having read this early on in my sabbatical, it helped set me up to continue using my times of solitude to rest, be with God, and hear from him, and to commit to doing that daily as I returned to work.

Daring Greatly, by Brené Brown
I've been a Brené Brown fan for a while, ever since I was introduced to her widely-viewed TED talk. I was excited to read more of her work and chose this one based on reviews and recommendations. It was a pretty quick read and while there was quite a bit of repeat from other content I've seen of hers, what I took away from this book was that vulnerability is actually a display of strength, not weakness. But vulnerability is also inconvenient, disruptive, and scary. But are we willing to be inconvenienced for the sake of having relationships that are honest and real and courageous? According to this book, I would argue yes.

Creativity, Inc. by Ed Catmull with Amy Wallace
Ed Catmull is the CEO of Pixar and this book is all about how he fosters a creative culture at Pixar. Other than basically just wanting to move to California to work for Pixar (don't worry, I'm not going anywhere!), the book was so insightful and inspiring as I transition to being a leader of creatives in the ministry I do. It felt like the perfect book with which to finish my sabbatical. Again the theme of vulnerability and admitting what you don't know came up, and to me this meant that in order to empower people to be creative and take risks, I as a leader need to model that I don't have all the answers, and that we're on a journey of discovering new things together. In an environment when there is often a lot of pressure to go with the safe, easy, or cost-effective route, this process can be pretty challenging. But I think when we allow ourselves to fail and make mistakes, we end up learning a lot and discover even greater creative achievements. That is the kind of journey that makes me want to get up every morning and go to work.

Some random stats from my sabbatical

The Unexpected

Of course there's a lot more that happened in that three months, but I wanted to write about just one more thing:

Pat and I bought a house!

Our new home!

This was for sure the most unplanned part of my sabbatical. We had started the house-hunting process in early summer, but had no expectations that we'd find anything this year. However, in mid-August our offer on a house was accepted! We closed September 30 and officially moved on October 9.

Needless to say this hugely affected my sabbatical. Instead of doing all the things I had planned, I ended up spending quite a bit of time packing, cleaning, unpacking, and more cleaning. After we officially moved I felt especially restless, with my home space more disorderly than normal, and without any of my regular routines to fall back on.

Even in the midst of that struggle, I reflect on three things. First, my deep gratefulness for a house. Pat and I never thought that we'd be able to purchase a house in the near future, and God's provision in many ways has surprised and blessed us beyond our imagination.

Second, I think that beyond our move, September and October was actually a pretty chaotic time. There were some family situations, some close friends who moved away, Pat broke his nose (five days before we moved), and InterVarsity was going through some major PR issues regarding the organization's stance on sexuality. All of that made those days and weeks even more chaotic and disorienting -- it wasn't just our move. Reflecting on that, I now think it's okay that I felt restless and unproductive. It seems like when things change, it happens all at once! Maybe it was God's grace that this all happened during a time that I had more time and space to process it all.

Lastly, I reflected a lot on my tendency to measure my days by productivity. I have always known this about myself, but having many days in the last month of my sabbatical where the most productive thing I did was getting showered and dressed, I felt like God was reminding me that productivity is not what gives me worth. There are days when I can simply enjoy being me and being unconditionally loved by a God who sees me not for my achievements or efficiency, but just for being his beloved daughter. While I know I will always be tempted back towards "productivity", those last days of sabbatical will always serve as a reminder that my value comes from Jesus, and in that I can truly rest.

Reentry 

It has been about a month since my return to work. Being in a new role, adjusting to organizational restructuring (due to having a new InterVarsity president), and continuing to settle into our home, have all kept me pretty occupied. There are days when I almost forget that I had three months of rest, and days when I question, was it really that helpful?

I suspect that it will take time for me to truly glean what God would have me glean from my time on sabbatical. And meanwhile I will patiently listen and wait.

-----------------

Thank you to Pat, my ministry partners, and my team, all of who supported me and made my sabbatical possible. I'm grateful for you all and glad to serve alongside you in ministry.

A Story About a Handbook

I just realized I haven't blogged in almost four months! What have I been up to, you might be asking?
Well, there's really only one way to answer that: URBANA!

The final cover design for the Urbana 15 Handbook! The conference theme this year is "What Story Will You Tell?"

It's hard to believe this is my FIFTH Urbana, and my third one with the twentyonehundred team. That also makes this the third time I am designing the Urbana Handbook. Wow.

It seems like every time, I start out optimistic about how it's going to go. After all, with each Urbana I gain more experience on the process, learning what works and what doesn't, how to be more efficient, how to solve certain design problems, etc. However, I seem to always set myself up for disappointment because the Handbook is the most stressful project I work on in any given three-year cycle. And Urbana 15 has been no exception.

One thing that I've realized though, is that even as I work to see God work in the lives of others--in this case, the thousands of people that will attend Urbana--God seems to always want to work in me too. He's kind of all-knowing and all-powerful that way. (SIGH.)

Here are a few reflections on what I've learned during the past 2 months of working on this massive project:

 

I am not a patient person. 

I already knew this about myself, but it gets highlighted when I am waiting for content that never seems to come on time. On the Myers-Briggs 2, I am off the charts on the "early starter" category under Judging. It makes me really anxious to wait until the last minute on anything. I'd rather give myself plenty of time to complete a project. But when you don't have control over the timeline, this normally-good trait can cause a lot of angst, frustration, and even bitterness. Which leads me to another revelation...

A few shots of the hundreds of pages of drafts that has now creeped onto the empty cube next to mine.

I really like working alone. 

As a designer, this can be a great strength. I am self-motivated to work hard and always get things done on time. However, it can also be very difficult, especially when your project affects thousands of people, with literally dozens of different hands touching parts of the content. Where to put a specific mark on a map, which way we are spelling the word "theatre," the new title change for a seminar, a phone number or room number correction. These details are all determined by different people. And it is MADDENING!

Working on the Handbook forces me to work with several different people, and I don't like it. It's not that I don't like the people... it's just that because we're all people, we have different personalities, work styles, communication styles, etc. And so it makes for a really messy, complex, inefficient (which we know is pretty much equivalent to sinful) process.

 

But messy is good for my soul.

As much as I hate the mess and come home at the end of work days exhausted, drained, and frustrated, I know that God is using this process to teach me about patience, being more understanding, and communicating how I'm feeling even if that feeling is not a good one--all things that make me more like Jesus. So, as painful as it is, I am learning to be grateful for the experience (one that God seems to want me to have every three years; I guess I need to re-learn a lot of things!).

One of the more tedious aspects of the Handbook: marking and numbering every restaurant on a map so people can eat lunch!

God cares about details.

One way that I have particularly felt God's care for me in this process has been through reading through the book of Exodus in the past month. Now, after the Golden Calf/Ten Commandments drama, most of us tend to see the rest of this Old Testament book as really boring. Who wants to read about the cubit measurements of the Tabernacle? Who cares that each curtain had 50 loops on their top edge? Why does it matter which specific jewels get attached to the priest's robe?

However, as I've been working in details like adding commas and "the's" and spelling out the word "California" about fifty times (seriously, are ALL our speakers/leaders UC grads?), reading the chapters of Exodus has been such a good reminder of who God is. He's a detail-oriented God! So much that he would spend a good 15 chapters telling Moses exactly how to construct his Tabernacle.

And just like the artists who were appointed to create each piece of the Tabernacle, I, too, am creating space for God to be worshiped. I am helping thousands of people encounter God in a significant way. It may not have seemed glamorous when Bezalel's hands were cramped from cutting stone day after day, or when Oholiab's fingers were tired of sewing all those curtain loops. It was definitely not fun when I had to renumber 150+ seminars when they decided to change the numbering system half way into the process. Or to have to change the layout of the bio section because new people were added in at the last minute. (And don't get me started on the Oxford commas!)

But the bigger picture is that all these details add up to something that God sees as beautiful worship to him. Because with the use of the Handbook, students will be able to find their way around Urbana, select seminars that will equip them to be missionaries in every sector, and connect with organizations that are the perfect fit for their passion. What I'm doing really matters. And I am glad for that!

What appeared on my screen the day before the final file was due.

This is spiritual work.

On Thursday afternoon, approximately 24 hours before the final file was due to the printer, I came back from lunch, and my Handbook file, which I had been working on for two months with no problems, would not open. The file had somehow become damaged and would cause the software to crash every time it tried to recover the file. After restarting my computer, it still did not work. I asked my teammate to try opening it on her computer, no success. I tried a few other things before panic started to set in. Because, you know, of course, of all days and times, technology would choose RIGHT NOW to fail on me.

Normally I feel sheepish about those emergency prayers that we usually only send up when we haven't studied for a test. But this time, I felt like God might understand. 

There was simply no way I would be able to recreate a 210-page file in one day. It just would not happen. In desperation I prayed, God, please help.

When my husband came down to my desk for morale support, I had a brief meltdown with lots of tears and what was probably the closest thing to heart attack I've experienced to date. And then I called our IT Help Desk. After a little while, they were able to recover the file. Our network backs up twice a day, and the most recent back up had happened just half an hour before the file crashed. So I only lost about a half hour of work! The momentary crisis was averted!

PRAISE. GOD.

It occurred to me that this was not a coincidence. The enemy knows how important this handbook is to the success of Urbana. And he also knew that the day before it was due was probably the worst time to cause panic and stress. He certainly put forth a very good effort to cause this project to fail. But God prevailed. Again.

What can often seem like insignificant, tedious, hard work, can often be the places where God shows up in the most surprising way. I am reminded of God's intimate relationship with his people, even while he also has the power to affect thousands. Because while I know this Handbook will ultimately be used for the largest missions conference in North America, it has already been used in my life. And no one but God and me will ever know. Well, except you, if you've made it to the end of this blog post.

The Elusive Brand Book

I've been wanting to share this for quite some time but I haven't felt like I was allowed to. Well, we're on the cusp of releasing an intitial working draft of the Brand Book, so I think it is safe to show you  a few sample pages! 

These pages help define the InterVarsity logo and the proper ways to use it. In my years of working as a designer for InterVarsity, I've seen all sorts of ways the logo has been used (or not used at all!). And it's no wonder, because we haven't done a very good job of helping people know how to use it properly! So these pages describe color, shape, spacing and placement. There are also a lot of examples of what NOT to do based on things I've seen. 

Other pages will help define our design guidelines for things like social media (square) images, email headers, website layouts, color palette, fonts, and a lot more! Seriously--I think it's going to end up being like 100 pages. Yikes. But, hopefully it will be a really helpful tool for our team and for our staff and students!